STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

JOkE - 3

FROM A PASSANGER SHIP one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.

“Who is it?” a passenger asks the captain.

“I’ve no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad.”

JOkE - 2

A SIX-YEAR-OLD comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. “Don’t be angry,” the mother says. “Your sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts.” A short while later, there’s more crying, and the mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says, “Now she knows.”

JOkE - 1

RECOGNIZING AN OLD FRIEND, Rizwan said, “What happened to you, Aqeel? You’ve lost weight. You used to have hair, and now you are bald. You used to have perfect eyesight, and now you wear glasses.”

The man looked at Rizwan in amazement. “Listen, mister, my name is not Aqeel. It is Ali.”

“My goodness, you’ve changed your name too!”

Salah kereta

Alkisahnya ada seorang perempuan yang memang suka minum arak. Satu malam dia balik dalam keadaan mabuk. Kebetulan dalam perjalanan tu,ada sekatan jalanraya. Polis tu pun suruh dia turun dan minta ic.

Prosuder macam biasalah kan. Tiba-tiba, diseberang jalan plak ada kemalangan yang berlaku.Lantas semua polis yang berada kat situ pun bergegas pergi ke kemalangan tersebut.

Perempuan yang mabuk ni pun dalam keadaan yang terhuyung hayang lantas start enjin kereta dan balik rumah seolah-olah macam tiada apa yang berlaku.Dia pun tidur macam biasa.

Pagi esoknya dia dikejutkan dengan kedatangan anggota polis. Lantas polis itu pun bertanya,"semalam pergi mana?" Perempuan itu pun jawab,"tak pergi mana.Duduk kat rumah je." Polis itu pun senyum sambil memandang perempuan itu. "Iye ke?",polis itu memandang sinis.

"Betul encik!!sumpah!!" perempuan berkata penuh yakin. "Habis,yang kat garaj awak ni kereta siapa?" tunjuk polis tersebut. Perempuan itu yang pada mulanya terkebil-kebil akhirnya menggaru kepala. Rupanya dalam keadaan mabuk semalam dia telah tersalah ambil kereta.Rupanya dia telah membawa kereta peronda polis. Akhirnya dia didenda RM2000 dan gantung lesen selama setahun kerana kesalahan memandu dalam keadaan mabuk dan mengambil kereta polis tanpa izin. Padan muka!!

3 Sahabat

Ada 3 orang kawan tinggal di apartmen 80 tingkat. Satu hari lif rosak. 3 orang ni naik tangga. Dorang buat deal. Sorang kene nyanyi, sorang kene citer cerita yang best dan sorang lagi kene citer yang sedih.. kawan yang pertama pun nyanyi sampai tingkat 30. kawan kedua pulak mule citer cerita yang best sampai tak sedar dah sampai tingkat 75. Happy sangat.. Tinggal turn kawan ketiga citer sedih.. tapi citer die memang sedih. Dia cakap kunci rumah tinggal dalam kereta kat tempat parking.. Uwaaa... Menangis terus 3 orang ni..

HARAM menikahi gadis satu kampung

"HARAM menikahi gadis satu kampung"

fatwa baru dari JAKIM. Fatwa ini menimbulkan perdebatan dan bantahan. Banyak pihak menyatakan bahawa JAKIM terburu-buru membuat keputusan. Bagaimana JAKIM boleh mengeluarkan fatwa HARAM menikahi gadis satu kampung???

Pegawai dari JAKIM menjelaskan,"Bagaimana tidak HARAM sedangkan kahwin 4 pun dah ramai.. Inikan pula satu KAMPUNG.."

First Time

Satu mayat orang tua dikeluarkan dari bilik ais untuk dikebumikan. Setelah dikeluarkan, ada air mengalir dimuka orang tua tersebut. dengan rasa ketakutan, cucunya memanggil neneknya,"Nek, atuk keluar peluh!"

Nenek menjawab, "Oo.. atuk kamu first time meninggal, mestilah nervous sikit..."